Wha?
by SnowGirl7
Summary: COMPLETE Yeah, like this is REALLY what's going on. Sarcasm, isn't it wonderful? Please r
1. Introduction

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or anything else I may mention in this story.  
  
Introduction:  
  
The history behind the story:  
  
Okay, it all started when Sora, Riku, and Kairi were all test tube babies. Odd beginning, isn't it?   
  
Yes, they were test tube babies, that is what I said.  
  
Riku and Kairi were the twins and Sora was Riku's half-brother who was not related to Kairi at all. Make any sense so far?   
  
Ansem was Riku and Kairi's father, but Sora's father was dead. Or so he thought, nobody ever really talked about it. It was like talking about him caused the plague.  
  
Anyway, they all had lived together until they didn't anymore. That was the day Ansem took Kairi (he never really liked Riku, that bad, bad man) back to Hollow Bastion for a while, then it disappeared and she was back with Riku and Sora. She was happy.  
  
At first they didn't really remember each other, but then they did, so everything didn't get weird (or at least gross, anyway).   
  
I know this isn't making any sense right now, but it will. Trust me. (hee hee)  
  
At last they were together again, then the Heartless came and they got separated...again. They have the worst time staying together!  
  
But you know the story of how Sora went to all those worlds and eventually found his friends (even though he was Riku's half-brother, he viewed him more as a friend, and like I said, he's not related to Kairi). Although, he did have to lock Riku in that door with Mickey Mouse, and Kairi went back to Destiny Islands while he obviously didn't, so they were separated...again.   
  
You'd think after awhile, they'd put tracking devises on each other so they'd be easier to find with all this separating going on.  
  
Anyway, this story takes place after they find each other again. Don't ask me how they did it, I have no idea. I'm thinking Riku probably used Mickey's tail to pick the lock, and Sora built some kind of giant sling-shot...  
  
And the story begins. 


	2. Chapter One

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own it.  
  
Chapter One:  
  
  
  
"What are you doing?" Sora glanced around the dimly lit room were his friend/half-brother, Riku, sat staring at the wall.  
  
"I'm staring at a wall." Riku turned his head slightly, but did not take his eyes off that wall. "What's it look like I'm doing?"  
  
"Not sure." Sora replied jumping up and down on the seat next to him. Suddenly, Riku jumped up and pushed Sora off the chair, then sat back down.  
  
"What'd you do that for?" Sora asked and he rubbed his head. "I wish I had a puppy."  
  
"Okay." Riku replied, finally taking his eyes off the wall. But really, how in the world could you tell since he wears that stupid blindfold all the time?  
  
He turned his head toward Sora, "But then what would we need Cloud for?"  
  
"Yeah, at least he doesn't lick himself." Sora cringed. Sora threw himself off the chair, "Blahk!"  
  
"What'd ya do that for?" Riku pulled off his blindfold and looked over the back of the chair at Sora.  
  
"I have no idea." Sora saw the blindfold had been taken off, "Hey, I thought you had to wear that!"  
  
"Nah, I just like to."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Sora? What are you doing on the floor?" They turned to see Kairi standing in the doorway.  
  
"Just hangin' out. Come join me!" Sora waved her over. "Riku was just about to."  
  
"No, I wa---" Riku started to say before Sora kicked his chair over.  
  
Kairi looked at them like they were crazy, then bounded over and landed on a pillow that had fallen from Riku's overturned chair.  
  
"This is fun." Kairi said in her pretend ditsy voice, which kind of made her sound like Minnie Mouse more than a dits.  
  
"I love you!" Sora cried and hugged Kairi. He was litterally crying.  
  
"Sora, you geek, let go of my sister." Riku said shoving them apart.  
  
"Riku, are you feeling left out?" Kairi asked in her sympathetic baby voice.   
  
Is it just me, or does she have a lot of voices that are not her own?  
  
"Stay away!" Riku jumped up at the same time Kairi did.  
  
"But we love you, too, Riku. Just in a you're-our-brother-and-friend sort of way." Kairi laughed as Riku jumped away from them, tripping on a can of whipped cream.   
  
Huh?  
  
"Thankfully!" Riku scrambled eggs.   
  
Who writes this stuff? 


	3. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I only own the stupidity of this story, nothing else. Not Kingdom Hearts or anything else I may mention.  
  
Chapter Two:  
  
"Hello, all!!" Cloud waltzed into the room.  
  
"Aaaahhh!!! My puppy!!" Sora jumped up from the floor and tackled Cloud.  
  
"For the last time, I'm not a puppy!!" Cloud kicked Sora away from him. "And if you ever touch me again, I'm gonna put hair-remover in your shampoo!"  
  
Sora backed away, "My puppy's in a bad mood."  
  
He bounced back over to Kairi and Riku as Cloud stole all their food.  
  
"Hey, look at that!" Riku pointed to something in the corner. "What is it?"  
  
"I don't know. It looks squishy." Sora replied as he and Riku knelt over it. "Touch it."  
  
"No, you touch it." Riku pushed Sora closer to it.  
  
"Don't touch me!"  
  
"Who said that?" Riku and Sora looked around the room. "Hello?"  
  
"Hello." Cloud popped up from behind a counter.  
  
"Down here."  
  
"I really like their songs." Sora said. Riku nodded in agreement.  
  
"Not the group, Downhere! I mean down here, as in look down, you idiots!"  
  
"That wasn't very nice." Riku declared. "Where are you, again?"  
  
"Down here! Down here! DOWN HERE!!!!"  
  
Sora and Riku looked down at the little thing in the corner, then jumped back.  
  
"You talk?!" Riku asked.  
  
"Well, duh."  
  
"What are you?" Sora asked and crawled closer to it.  
  
"Don't ask." it said. It wiggled it's little blue body in a movement they took as trying to move, but couldn't quite get it in motion. "Could you get me a rubber ducky?"  
  
Where is this going? Really.  
  
"Eeeeww!!!" Everybody turned around to see Cloud with something liquid-like splattered all over him. "I think your turkey has gone bad."  
  
"Where'd you get that?" Kairi jumped up from where she had been watching and ran over to Cloud. "I've been looking for that everywhere!"  
  
She whiped some of the liquid stuff off of Cloud's shoulder and ate it.  
  
Cloud threw up.  
  
"It's not that bad." Kairi looked down at the very sickened Cloud.   
  
He was hunched over the sink, sick as a dog.  
  
"I knew he was my puppy!!" Sora jumped up and ran over to them. "Gimme some of that."  
  
Sora reached over and got some of the liquid stuff out of Cloud's hair and ate it.  
  
"Just kill me now." Cloud looked up, "Just do it."  
  
"Okay." Sora took a swing at him with his keyblade.  
  
Cloud ducked his head into his shirt, "I've lost my head, some one must pay!!"  
  
"What are you, a Popple?" Riku snickered at the bar.  
  
They're too young to have a bar, what am I saying?! Let's pretend that it's a salad bar, 'cause that's what it is.  
  
"That's something I never thought I'd hear." Leon said as he walked into the room.  
  
Why do these people keep showing up? They don't even live on Destiny Islands! And did they just break in to the house?  
  
So many questions, none I'm going to answer. 


	4. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: Again, I own nothing of Kingdom Hearts and other characters or things I may have mentioned in this apparently confusing story. Thank you.  
  
Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews! Yes, my story is going to go somewhere, I'm just not sure where yet. I just write what pops into my head and hope for the best.  
  
Chapter Three:  
  
"Leon!"  
  
The room went silent as he tripped on the rug.  
  
"When'd we put that in?" Sora asked. Riku shrugged his shoulders and walked over to it.  
  
Leon was just getting up when Riku pulled it out from under him. "Aaagghh!!"  
  
"I have no idea when we got it." Riku studied it, not noticing Leon at all, "It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen!"  
  
Riku threw it down on Leon's head.  
  
"I don't have to take this," Leon said, throwing the rug off his head, "I'm going home!"  
  
"Oh, hey Leon!" everybody said at once, "When'd you get here?"  
  
"You know, that was really freaky." Leon said. Noticing Cloud had thrown up, he ran out of the room for a second, then came back. Everybody followed him, for some reason, "Stop it!"  
  
"Ha, ha! Look who's paranoid now!" Cloud shouted.  
  
Leon grabbed the closest possible object he could pick up and hurled it at Cloud (maybe I shouldn't have used the word 'hurled' to describe it).  
  
"Aaaahhh!!!" a girl screamed as the object flew through the air. "Toto!!"  
  
Yes, Dorothy Gale was there too. I'm not sure why...  
  
Toto flew through the air and struck Cloud in the head, sending him and the poor dog backwards to the floor.  
  
Dorothy ran over and picked up Toto, "I have to go see the Wizard!"  
  
"I'm here!"  
  
Everybody looked around and spotted geese.  
  
What is that?! Where do I come up with this stuff?  
  
Riku pointed to their TV, "Hey, when'd we get a TV?"  
  
"I like chicken." Sora said as he started to hallucinate from the bad turkey. Kairi was also starting to act strangely from eating it.  
  
Cloud hadn't eaten any, but was acting weird anyway from being hit by a flying dog.  
  
"Did you forget about me?" a face on the television asked. Everybody stared at it.  
  
"How'd you get in there?" Kairi asked, looking all around it. Then she fell over.  
  
"Are you the Wizard?" Dorothy asked it.  
  
"Yes, yes, I am." he said. "Hold on a minute."  
  
They all watched the screen as the Wizard stood up and walked away. He came back shorter (not that you could really tell the height of a guy on your TV), holding something in his hands. "Did somebody lose this?"  
  
He held up a rubber ducky.  
  
"Rubber ducky!" the little blue thing shouted. The Wizard reached through the screen with his hand and tossed the little bathtime toy over to it. It jiggled in happiness. "Thank you!"  
  
The Wizard sat back down, "You've very welcome. Polite little blob, isn't it?"  
  
"You're a wizard?" Riku asked, poking the screen with his finger.  
  
"Stop that, and yes I'm a wizard. The Wizard of OZ. Perhaps you've heard of me?"  
  
Dorothy was the only one who nodded her head, obviously, because nobody else could nod her head for her. The rest had blank expressions on their faces and chocolate pudding.  
  
Chocolate pudding?  
  
"Oh well." the Wizard said. "Did you want to ask me something?"  
  
"How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?" Sora pressed his face against the screen.  
  
"It depends on if it's big licks or little licks." he replied, twirling his fake mustache around his finger, "On average, about 783."  
  
"You're not supposed to answer that question!" Sora backed away, disguisted with the Wizard. "I want my puppy!"  
  
Cloud looked up from a coloring book he had been working on, "Everybody is crazy, except for me."  
  
He went back to coloring. 


	5. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the little blue blob. I think that is just little sad, isn't it?  
  
Chapter Four:  
  
Later that day, Sora and Kairi were still hallucinating and Cloud was still...well, you know.   
  
"I need a hammer and a bowl of cream cheese!" Cloud threw his hand up dramatically, "That onion doesn't look right."  
  
Okay, so he's getting worse.  
  
"That's because it's a pickle." Leon replied as Kairi kept trying to braid his hair. "Will you please leave me ALONE?!!!"  
  
Leon ran over to the window. Kairi followed, so Leon pushed her out.  
  
"Hey you can't do that to my girlfriend!" Sora spit.  
  
"I just cleaned that!" Aerith cried.  
  
"When'd she get here?" Riku glance up from the newest book he was reading : What To Do When Your Half-Brother Is Dating Your Twin Sister, and Other Crazy Stuff.  
  
"Let's cook the duck!" Kairi exclaimed after she climbed back through the window. Leon pushed her out again.  
  
"Hee hee hee!!" Cloud giggled as he jumped out the window after Kairi.  
  
"First my girlfriend, now my puppy!" Sora picked up the little blue blob from the corner and tossed it out the window. "This just isn't my day."  
  
"MINE!!! MINE!!! MINE!!!"   
  
Everybody looked out the window to see Cloud and Kairi fighting over the blob.  
  
"It's mine, he's my friend!" Kairi snorted. Cloud laughed like an idiot...a pyscotic idiot.  
  
"I'm a cereal killer! Ah ha ha ha ha!!!" Cloud lifted up a box of Raisin Bran and smashed it on the ground.  
  
"No!!!!" Kairi looked down at the crushed cereal, "That was the last box!!!"  
  
"You know you hated that stuff." Cloud poked her nose with his finger.  
  
"Its dangerous!" Kairi said, gazing off a something not there. A monkey, maybe? "I'm an axe murderer."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I murder axes." Kairi pulled out a kazoo and played with it. "Aaahhh!!!"  
  
A pidgeon landed on a stump.  
  
What does that have to do with anything?  
  
"Kairi?" Riku threw a pillow at Sora, who was currently throwing the rest of their stuff out the window.  
  
"Heh?" Kairi said as Sora threw himself out the window. "Hi."  
  
"I'm not dead." Riku told everyone.  
  
"That's good to know." a voice said.  
  
"Who are you?" Sora climbed a tree, then got struck by a freak lightning bolt. "I'm all toasty now."  
  
"I'm Batman!" Batman jumped from the roof of the house. "Come, Robin, to the Ratmobile!"  
  
"Ratmobile?"  
  
"We've had budget cuts." Batman replied. "Robin? Robin, where are you?"  
  
"I'm here!" a boy with a large, yellow, talking, stuffed bear named Pooh stepped into view.  
  
"Wrong Robin."  
  
"I'm stupid!!!" Cloud spoke up.  
  
"You're not stupid, Cloud!" Aerith said as she was flung from the window by, not Sora, but a strong wind. "You're just mentally decapitated."  
  
Cloud tried to catch her as she fell, but missed, so she ended up in a ditch. "Ewe!!!"  
  
A large sheep walked up behind Sora.  
  
"My new puppy!!!" Sora turned around and hugged the sheep, then painted it blue. "I love my new, blue puppy!!!"  
  
The sheep bleeted then ran away as fast as it could, but didn't see that wall...  
  
"Oh well." Kairi twirled around in little circles before trying to run to Sora. Wherever she ran, she kept bumping into an elephant.  
  
Do they have elephants on Destiny Islands?  
  
"I think I'm gonna be sick!!" Riku exclaimed, then fell from the window clutching his stamp collection.  
  
"Try saying 'toy boat' three times fast!"  
  
Toy boat, toy boat, toy boyt. Aaaaggghh!!! 


	6. Chapter Five

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or anything else in this story  
  
Chapter Five:  
  
"Riku, I am your father."  
  
"Who said that?" Riku asked, still holding that stamp collection.  
  
"Umm...your father." A figure stepped out of a clown car. He looked strange.  
  
"You're not my father."  
  
"How would you know? He could be!" Sora glanced up at the clown.  
  
He isn't really a clown, I just called him that.  
  
The man jumped in a hole when he saw Sora. Well, first he had to dig it, but then he jumped in.  
  
"Riku is my half-twin! Riku is my half-twin! If I didn't know any worse, I'd say he was Sora's father too!" Kairi fell over as she contracted the plague. "I don't feel so good. I want my pup...wait, I'm not Sora. I want candy!!!"  
  
Thousands and thousands of pounds of candy fell from the sky as Kairi rolled around on the ground.  
  
Sora looked up, "That never worked when I wanted my puppy!"  
  
"Yeah, well you're not a princess, are ya?! Bwaahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!" Kairi laughed, then sat up completely fine, "You can have some of my candy."  
  
"Thank you." Sora sat down next to her. He threw his head back, causing it to roll off down a very steep hill and...okay that didn't happen.   
  
He threw his head back to catch the candy in his mouth when Cloud knocked his head off and it went rolling...huh? Oh! Sorry, wrong thought.  
  
Now where was I?   
  
He threw his head at Riku, "Ah ha ha ha ha!!!!"  
  
Kairi fell back on a monkey and choked on a Jolly Rancher.   
  
Or did she fall back on the Jolly Rancher and choke on the monkey?  
  
Or did she just choke the monkey?  
  
Who really cares?  
  
"I want my puppy!!!!" Sora cried as he jumped into the hole with that man, "Are you my Daddy?"  
  
"Aaaaahhhh!!!!" the man tried climbing up the wall, but couldn't make it to the top. He looked around when he got an idea.   
  
He picked Sora up and threw him out of the hole.  
  
"My Daddy doesn't love me!!!" Sora ran over Kairi and the monkey she was choking. "Sorry."  
  
"A pickle!!!" Cloud ran to the zoo. Everybody else went too.  
  
"I wanna see the lions." Leon told them.  
  
"Those aren't my pants!" Cloud shouted as he climbed the Empire State Building.  
  
Okay, since when is the Empire State Building in a zoo on Destiny Islands?!  
  
Aerith finally got out of the ditch and went to the pancake capital of the world. "I love waffles!! Are waffles served at pancake houses?"   
  
"If they have any money." Cloud replied as he left the zoo. Everybody else left too.  
  
"I didn't get to see the lions!!!" Leon pulled out his Gunblade and started swinging it around.  
  
Don't worry, it only crippled a few innocent by-standers, but it may have caused some brain damage to Cloud. But then, how could you tell?  
  
"Great, Leon, now he's gonna be like this forever!" Yuffie declared stepping into view.   
  
Why is she in my story?!  
  
"Shut up!!" Leon swung the Gunblade and sent Yuffie flying all the way to Indiana where she will remain the rest of the story, knocked out in a corn field.  
  
Oh, that's why.  
  
"I have a head." Cloud pointed to his foot, "It's attached to me."  
  
Cloud dramatically slapped his chest with both hands.  
  
Aerith looked at him for a second, "I think I like him better like this." 


	7. Chapter Six

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the man of many names, otherwise known as Riku and Sora's father... Oh and I own the crowd, too... And EMHoNR...that's it. The rest does not belong to me and never will. Do you people even read these anymore?   
  
Author's Note: Anyway, the story is now going somewhere...right out the window!!! Ahhahahahahaha!!!!  
  
No, really, it's gonna get good now(sorta). Hope you like it, it'll all be over soon. It may only have eight or nine chapters the way I number them. This is chapter six, but fanfiction.net says it's chapter seven because I had that intro...   
  
Anyway, on to the story!  
  
  
  
Chapter Six:  
  
"Are you sure he's going to be all right?"   
  
It had been a few hours since Leon had hit Cloud. After awhile they thought that he would have gotten better, but unfortunately, he was now dunking his head repeatedly into the goldfish tank.  
  
"Fishy! Fishy! Weeeeeeeeeee!!!!"  
  
"Leon, stop that!" somebody he didn't know told him.   
  
"Sorry." Leon ducked his head as Cloud pulled out all of the aquarium's castles and tossed them to various places in the room.   
  
They were back at Sora, Riku, and Kairi's house, if you didn't know, and Sora and Riku's father was there too.  
  
"I'm so glad, I have a dad!!" Sora sang and skipped around the room.  
  
"Stop rhyming, you idiot, and sit down before you hurt me." Sora's father said. He will now be referred to as Bobert or Bob or Frank or Newton or Cole or Simon or Cal or Jason or Freddy or Lando(Bloom?) or Woogie Bubble, if you're online.  
  
Anyway, back to the story.  
  
"I wanna go too!!!" Kairi cried as Bob took Riku and Sora to the park. Actually, he was taking Riku, but Sora had a death grip on Riku's right arm, forcing them to take him along as well.  
  
"I can't feel my hand." Riku looked down at his hand. "And it's a funny shade of black."  
  
"Don't be silly," Cloud imitated a proper English lady, "There is only one shade of black."   
  
Suddenly, Kairi looked up at the sky and pointed to a very strange looking object, "It's Mickey Mouse!!!"  
  
"Aahhhhhh!!!"  
  
"That's not Mickey Mouse, Kairi." Frank said. The park was only next door. "That is the Evil Mouse Head of No Return!! The bad guy in this here story."  
  
Very informative, eh?  
  
"The Evil Mouse Head of No Return?" Everybody gasped.  
  
"EMHoNR, for short." the thing laughed down at them, then floated to the ground, so he laughed level at them. "Ha ha ha ha!!!"  
  
"How 'bout we call ya Spike?" that person nobody knew from earlier, suggested. Everybody turned around.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Some one you don't know." they replied simply.  
  
"Oh, okay."  
  
Everybody looked back at EMHoNR. He was eating some of the sand from the playground's sand box.  
  
"Eeeeww!!" Cloud shuttered, "You know, cats use that as a litter box, right?"  
  
EMHoNR spat a whole sand bag out as well as a bike, a skateboard, a gondola, a gondolier, a cow, a kitchen sink, a license plate, a shark, a pie pan, and a Peter Pan.  
  
"Say your prayers, Hook!" Peter Pan flew through the air at the captain.   
  
"I'm not Captain Hook!" shouted the man as Peter pushed him off the top of the monkey bars.  
  
They all watched him get up.  
  
"Who are you then?"  
  
"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow." Jack glanced over at Aerith, "Hello, love."  
  
"You're not Captain Hook, then?" Peter looked at Jack for a moment.  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay." Peter said, then flew away.  
  
"Wait! He is still a pirate, you know!" somebody shouted from the crowd.  
  
Sora leaned over closer to Kairi and whispered, "What are all these people doing on our island?"  
  
Kairi shrugged.  
  
"He is?" Peter turned back around to look at Jack. "Too bad I can't fight him."  
  
"Why not?!" some one else in the crowd yelled.   
  
Jack peered into the sea of faces trying to figure out who had said that, and that other comment, too. Some one waved to him. He waved back.  
  
"Because he's not in my movie." Peter Pan said, then flew away. For real, this time.  
  
"Can we get back to the freaky head thing, please?" Leon yelled at me, "Some kind of writer you are, getting distracted with stupid pirates!"  
  
"I'm not stupid! You are!" Jack said as he pulled out his sword.  
  
"Oh, yeah? Prove it!" Leon drew his Gunblade and showed it to Jack.  
  
"That's a good picture, mate, but I can do better than that!" Jack took the picture out of Leon's hands and drew on the back of it. "There, it's me Pearl."  
  
"And you think I'm stupid! That's a boat, not a pearl!" Leon laughed.  
  
"The Black Pearl is a ship!" Jack held his sword up, challenging Leon. This time, Leon really pulled out his Gunblade and they duked it out for awhile before Jack noticed that somebody was sailing away on his ship. He dove over the side of the cliff into the water and swam after it, "I'm not losing it again!!"  
  
"You coming back to me now that the pirate is gone, aren't ya?" EMHoNR asked, "Really, I am the bad guy. You'd think I'd be in it more!"  
  
"Shut up!" Leon swung the Gunblade at EMHoNR. It struck his head, but bounced off the blubbery bad guy and cut down a tree that, evidently, fell on Cloud.  
  
You'd think that Cloud would be dead by now, wouldn't you? Well he isn't, yet. The tree just pinned him to the ground for a while. He was slightly paralyzed in his left eye...it doesn't move anymove.  
  
"Hey! I can see straight ahead and to the side now!" Cloud ran into a wall, "Thanks, Leon!!" 


	8. Chapter Seven

Disclaimer: You know I don't own Kingdom Hearts and the other various characters I throw in here, right? I only own my characters, nothing else.  
  
Author's Note: Thank's for the reviews you fun people! I like reviews, don't you?  
  
Chapter Seven:  
  
"Cloud!"  
  
Cloud just walked straight off the cliff. They all heard a loud thud and then, "I'm okay!"  
  
"Oh, come on! I'm the bad guy, I should have pushed him off!" EMHoNR exclaimed.  
  
"Hey!" Cloud's faint voice floated up from...where he was. "I think you're really mean!"  
  
"Duh." the mean bad guy said, "That's why I'm here."  
  
"To be mean?"  
  
"That," EMHoNR bounced over to the side of the cliff to look down at Cloud, "And to eat all your cheese."  
  
"Sorry, we're all out." Riku replied then pushed EMHoNR off the cliff.  
  
"No cheese for you, you, you!" Sora jumped up and down.  
  
"More cheese for me, me, me!" Kairi jumped along with him. EMHoNR bounced back up and knocked everybody down for no reason at all.  
  
Cloud was still at the bottom of the cliff. The sun had set somewhat and he was entertaining himself with funny shadow puppets, "I made a newt! Hee hee hee!!"  
  
Sora shrieked as a giant shadow newt tried to eat him.  
  
"Cloud, stop it! You know a newt would never want to eat Sora."   
  
"I know you!" Riku pointed at the man who had said that. "Who are you, again?"  
  
The man walked into the light and fell backwards. It had not been light after all, I guess.   
  
"Ouch!!" the man stood back up, muttering to himself, "I gotta watch where I'm going. I could end up in some place I didn't watch myself going to!"  
  
"Aaaaahh!!!" Cloud stood up and pulled himself up to the top of the cliff.  
  
What? I didn't say how big the cliff was, did I?  
  
"You!" EMHoNR rolled over to the man.  
  
"Yes, me! Ah hahahaha!!!" the man laughed, then choked, "Choke, choke!!"  
  
"Need some water?" Cloud offered, holding a glass of lemonade...I hope.  
  
The man eyed it superstitiously, "No."  
  
"How about a newt?"  
  
"No."  
  
"You!" EMHoNR repeated.  
  
"You said that already." the man said as Cloud dangled a newt infront of his face.  
  
"I know that, but we got a little distracted and I wanted to make sure you heard me."  
  
"Oh, okay." the man replied. "Now what were you saying?"  
  
"You!" EMHoNR repeated again, then shrugged...if just a head can shrug, that is. "That's all I was saying."  
  
Riku pointed at the man again, "I know you! You're---"  
  
"Dead! Mwhahahahaha!!!" Kairi giggled like Cloud. Having actually mistaken Kairi for Cloud (HOW??!!), Leon smacked her with the Gunblade, "Pretty colors!"  
  
Kairi pointed in all directions, including north, before falling over onto Sora.  
  
"You're---" Riku continued, then looked at Kairi as Sora pretended she was a puppet and flailed her arms around. "Okay she's really out of it, so you can say it now."  
  
"Ansem."  
  
The lights flickered even though they were outside.  
  
Sora tried to hide behind Kairi, but she kept slipping down to the floor whenever he'd let go, "I see dead people."  
  
"Good for you! Mostly, I see nuts." a random squirrel jumped from a tree and landed on EMHoNR, "Just look at this one!"  
  
"I'm not a nut!" EMHoNR shook the squirrel off.  
  
"Who says?" Cloud jumped.  
  
"I do!" Sora raised Kairi's hand as he used one of her many voices. "He's a kumquat!"  
  
"I give up!!" EMHoNR cried as the squirrel threw a twig at him. "You people are too stupid to bother with! I'm gonna leave my little buddies here to deal with you, though. I'll be back!"  
  
The Evil Mouse Head of No Return floated back up into the sky like a giant floating mouse head would, and vowed to return.  
  
"So the Evil Mouse Head of NO RETURN is vowing to return?" Aerith asked.  
  
"No, the Evil Mouse Head of No Return is vowing to return." Cloud tried to fly, but couldn't.  
  
"That's what I said."  
  
"No, you said 'NO RETURN', I said 'No Return', there's a difference."  
  
Aerith lost her mind and stole Leon's Gunblade. "I say it's NO RETURN, does anyone have a problem with that?!"  
  
Cloud raised his hand and giggled moronically. Aerith swung the Gunblade at Cloud, but, as it was too heavy for her, the momentum flung her off the cliff. Cloud looked over the side at her, then jumped off, too.   
  
"This is a lot farther down than I remember." Cloud cried on the way down as Leon tried to hide his shovel. 


	9. Chapter Eight

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the other stuff, except for the stuff I do.  
  
Author's Note: This is the second to last chapter, so please read and review for the sake of the story!  
  
Chapter Eight:  
  
"Hey look!" Sora swung the somewhat unconscious Kairi from a tree by her feet. "I think she's waking up?"  
  
"You really think so?"   
  
Kairi opened her eyes really wide and babbled like an idiot, "I wanna be a poodle in the western hemisphere on the eastern side of the Milky Way galaxy! Give me my hat, I need to plant a rose bush in the pumpkin patch! What are you doing upside down?"  
  
Kairi looked up at Sora as he held one of her shoes, then looked around.   
  
"Hey you're all upside down!"  
  
"She's as bad as Cloud." Leon said as he sat in the corner of a tree house (in the tree Sora was dangling Kairi from) wearing a stupid looking hat.  
  
"Shut up, Leon." Riku waxed a turtle. It snapped at him, then dove into the sea and headed for the Galapagos Islands. "Ouch."  
  
"You stole my hat!" Kairi screeched and pointed at Leon.  
  
Everybody gasped.  
  
"How do you know this is your hat?" Leon pulled the rim of it down over his ears.  
  
"Because it looks stupid on you."  
  
"Makes sense..."  
  
Sora pulled Kairi back up and drew a pigeon. "I want a puppy." he sighed.  
  
"Shut up about the stupid puppy, kupo!"  
  
"Hey, it's one of those pigs!" Riku pointed at the little thing, which was soon joined by many more that looked exactly like it. "And it brought friends!"  
  
"We're not pigs, kupo, we're Moogles." it stated.  
  
Riku didn't look convinced, "You're pigs. Pigs with tiny wings, big noses, and balloons."  
  
"What are you doing here, little piggies?" Cloud was climbing back up the cliff with Aerith hanging on to his feet.  
  
"I don't think we thought this through, Cloud!" Aerith cried as he stepped on her hand and flung her into the side of the cliff for the twentieth time. She continued in a dazed voice, "My head hurts and I can't feel my fingers."  
  
"Sorry!"  
  
You would seriously think that Cloud would not be able to walk after everything, wouldn't you?  
  
"I need a milkshake!" Kairi tumbled to the ground after pouncing on Leon and taking her hat back. "And some bacon."  
  
She smiled evilly at the Moogles, who backed away slowly trying not to make any sudden movements.  
  
"Why are you here?" Sora hung upside down from the tree until he fell.  
  
"We are EMHoNR's little buddies that he left here to deal with you." one said.  
  
There was complete and utter silence until there wasn't anymore because everybody was laughing so hard they were crying rivers and lakes and oceans of banana milk.  
  
"What's so funny, kupo?" the leader asked Sora as Sora walked over to it. Sora was holding a mallet in his right hand. "What are you going to do with that?"  
  
"Not a thing." Sora replied happily and swung it around in his hand. "I just like to swing it around."  
  
Sora lost his grip on the mallet and it went flying through the air, striking Cloud just as he reached the top of the cliff, sending him back down.  
  
"I hate you, Sora!!" his voice echoed across the entire island, "I'm gonna haunt you until the day you die!"  
  
"Ooohh, creepy!" someone in the crowd said.  
  
"What are all you people doing here?!" Riku exclaimed.  
  
"Just hangin'." said one. Suddenly, the whole crowd was hanging from various trees all over the island.  
  
I take things literally, if you hadn't guessed.  
  
"Well, you're crowding us, could you move back a bit?" Kairi said with an evil look in her eyes, "If you don't, you'll be swimming with the fishies."  
  
Do you see where I'm taking this?  
  
Nobody moved, so Kairi shoved each and every one of them into a giant fish tank with giant fish. They had a nice swim, then went home.  
  
"I'm gonna miss them!" Sora sniffled.  
  
"I'm just glad that mallet is gone, kupo." the leader breathed a sigh of relief, "I thought you were gonna squish me!"  
  
Sora frowned.   
  
"I don't need a mallet for that." Sora stepped on the little pig---  
  
"Moogle!"   
  
Fine, Sora stepped on the little Moogle, squishing it beneath his giant shoe.   
  
All the little Moogles gasped, then ran as fast as they could away from Sora who was now calling to everyone else.  
  
"Let's have a pig squishing contest! Winner gets a new..." Sora turned to Kairi and whispered, "What will the winner get?"  
  
Kairi whispered something in his ear, then giggled. Sora looked at her, then shook his head.  
  
"You can't give them that! Think of something else." he said, then Kairi whispered something else in his ear. He shook his head again, "I don't have time to go to the moon to get it right now."  
  
"How about this bag of stale marshmallows?" Kairi held up a bag that contained very sturdy-looking marshmallows, they were almost like little white rocks...  
  
"Perfect!!" Sora took the bag which immediately pulled his arm off as it fell to the floor. Apparently finding this a normal happening, Sora turned back to everybody who had now shown up, "Winner gets these marshmallows."  
  
Sora motioned to the marshmallows with his remaining arm.  
  
Everyone immediately started whispering among themselves, then in nodding agreement, took off after the Moogles who realized that they couldn't run very fast. 


	10. Chapter Nine

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or whatever, but you should know that by now.  
  
Author's Note: This is the last chapter. Aren't you sad?  
  
Chapter Nine:   
  
Cloud reached the top of the cliff once again to see all the little pigs running toward it. He just let go this time. "Might as well, I would've ended up back down there anyway."  
  
The pigs were trapped as all the inhabitants and visitors to the island surrounded them. One by one, they were getting squished by the contestants.   
  
A few desperate ones dove off the cliff like lemmings only to be squished by Cloud when they reached the bottom.  
  
"Are they all gone?" Sora called out.  
  
"No, the last one is trying to hide under a car!" Riku yelled back.  
  
"We don't have cars on Destiny Islands so that shouldn't be a problem!"  
  
"Right!" Riku nodded, then squished the last Moogle. "Who won?"  
  
Sora looked around, "I'm not sure, how many did each of us squish?"  
  
Everyone looked around at each other, then said all at once, "We weren't counting."  
  
"Oh well." Aerith said, then shivered, "Has anyone seen my jacket?"  
  
"Technically, you don't need a jacket...you're dead. Remember?" Cloud finally made it to the top of the cliff. "Sephiroth killed you."  
  
"Maybe he stole my jacket!" Aerith rubbed her chin and contemplated this thought. "Maybe that's why my name changed spelling, too."  
  
"Why? 'Cause Lance---I mean Sephiroth stole your jacket?"   
  
"No," Aerith looked at Cloud as though this was the most absurd thing she had ever heard, "No, so I could be alive again. It's kind of like I'm a different person. Maybe, I wasn't killed by Sephiroth, maybe I have a twin sister and she was."  
  
"Then how would you remember being killed by him?" Riku asked. Aerith gave him a death glare. "And how would you know Cloud?"  
  
"Don't bother me with details!" she exclaimed, then pointed her finger at Cloud, "Actually, I think he only injured me and you let me drown when I passed out!"  
  
Aerith turned her back to Cloud, who then mouthed the words "she was dead" while pointing at her.  
  
"I heard that!" Aerith swung around to glare at Cloud for a second, then turned back around.  
  
Cloud then plugged Aerith's ears with his fingers and mouthed "How?!!"  
  
"I heard that, too, Cloud!"  
  
"I heard that, too, Cloud." Everybody heard a mocking bird sing...wait, no that's not right. Everybody heard a mocking laughter come from above their heads.  
  
They all looked up to see the Evil Mouse Head of NO RETURN returning. See, if it had been a mocking bird, they wouldn't have looked up.  
  
"I'm Baaacckk!!! Bwahahahaha!!!!!!" EMHoNR looked around as he descended to the ground.  
  
No duh! Where else could you descend to?  
  
"Where are my little buddies?"  
  
"You mean the pigs?" Riku asked. EMHoNR nodded, "Squished."  
  
"Squished? Aahhhaa! Oh, my poor little buddies!!" EMHoNR would have covered his face with his hands right about now if he had had any hands. Since he didn't, he took to rolling around over the ground, crying like a little girl who's brother had just pulled the head off of her favorite doll. "Little BUDDIES!!! Waaaahh!"  
  
"What's your problem, man...er, head?" Wakka walked up with Tidus and Selphie.  
  
"Where have you been?" Everybody turned their heads toward the three new-comers.  
  
"Apparently not in this story." All three glared in my direction.  
  
Wait, how do cartoon characters always know in which direction to look for you? Oh, well.  
  
"What's that?" Tidus poked EMHoNR with his pointed stick. EMHoNR grunted, but otherwise ignored them.  
  
"Its the Evil Mouse Head of NO RETURN." Sora said, then picked up some random wild animal, which then bit him and caused him to shriek even louder than EMHoNR.  
  
"Stop it, stop it! It's not a contest!" Riku shouted as he and everybody else covered their ears.  
  
"WELL IT SHOULD BE!!!!!" Sora kept on screaming.  
  
Suddenly there was a loud roar behind them, but they couldn't hear it because of all the shrieking and screaming that was being made. So the roarer decided to just tap them on the shoulder to get their attention.  
  
"It's Simba!" Riku yelled, but no one heard him.  
  
To stop the yelling, Simba went right up to EMHoNR and mauled him.   
  
Okay, he didn't maul him, but EMHoNR shut up anyway 'cause Simba could maul him if he wanted to.  
  
Sora kept on yelling until he was promised a ride around the island on Simba's back.  
  
"Thanks, Simba!"  
  
Everybody turned around to see Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy Goof standing next to their Gummi ship.  
  
Is it just me, or do their last names always start with the same letter their first names start with?  
  
"What are you doing here, Mickey?" Kairi asked. Mickey got a confused look on his face.  
  
"I don't remember meeting you, how do you know my name?" he said.  
  
"Are you kidding? Everybody knows Mickey Mouse!" Kairi said, then started humming the tune to MMC.  
  
"Okay..." Mickey said, "Donald, Goofy, and I came because that awful screaming could be heard all over the worlds."  
  
"People started to panic, thinking that they were being invaded by aliens or something." Goofy added.  
  
"I think that would be hilarious!!" Leon said, everybody gave him weird looks. He went back up to the tree house to sit in his corner, "Oh, well. Maybe that's just me."  
  
"Yeah...anyway, what were you yelling about?" Mickey continued.  
  
"I lost my buddies!" EMHoNR cried. "They've all been squished!"  
  
"That's what you get for being the bad guy." Selphie replied. "And stop crying, moron, you are supposed to be 'bad'."  
  
Mickey turned to Sora, "What about you?"  
  
"A wild animal bit me." Sora whimpered, "I think I may have rabies now."  
  
Mickey backed away from Sora somewhat then asked him, "Why did you have a wild animal?"  
  
"I wanted a puppy and that's the closest I could get to one." Sora glanced over at Bobert and said, "My daddy won't buy me a puppy!"  
  
"Don't forget about our little friend here." Cloud pointed to EMHoNR, then fell out of a tree. "Ouch. What was I doing in a tree? Oh, yeah, trying to find that squirrel from earlier!"  
  
"You've always been a little nutty, Cloud." Leon stuck his head out the tree house window and laughed, "Get it? Squirrel, nutty?"  
  
Nobody laughed.  
  
"My humor is lost on you people." Leon said then pulled his head back inside the tree house.  
  
"Are you trying to be mean and eat everyone's cheese again, EMHoNR?" Mickey asked. EMHoNR nodded. "You know that's why you were deflated last time. Do you want that to happen again?"  
  
EMHoNR shook his head like a child.  
  
"Ooooohhh! Do it, do it!!" Sora yelled as Kairi held up his other arm to him so he could rub his hands together vindictively.  
  
Mickey looked like he was thinking about it, then said, "Okay. Does anyone have a pin or needle?"  
  
"I have an ice pick, will that work?" Kairi held up a very large, very sharp ice pick. Everyone looked extremely frightened of her right now.  
  
"Yeah, that'll do." Mickey said taking the ice pick from her.  
  
As Mickey got closer to EMHoNR, EMHoNR saw Sora hide something behind his back and smile. Trying to distract Mickey, he yelled, "I think that kid's got a bomb...or something."  
  
Mickey ignored him and stuck the ice pick into EMHoNR.  
  
"Aaaaaahh! I'm too young to be so deflated!" EMHoNR cried as he shrunk to less than half the size he was before. His voice was higher pitched the next time he talked, "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too! Aahhhahahaha!!"  
  
Blank stares greeted him all around.  
  
"Sorry, I just always wanted to say that." EMHoNR looked back over at Sora, a little nervous about what he was going to see.  
  
Sora was grinning from ear to ear, which, in my opinion, is really quite creepy. He looked at EMHoNR, then pulled the thing from behind his back and rushed at him, "Finally! I'm gonna have a puppy!"  
  
"Nooooooooo!!!!!" EMHoNR cried as Sora slapped the collar on him.  
  
That's what he was hiding behind his back. See I work things into this for a reason. Well, except for the beginning, that was just there.  
  
"My puppy! My puppy! I've finally got a puppy!!!" Sora sang happily as he dragged a screaming EMHoNR by a leash. "Kairi, you wanna come and play with my puppy?"  
  
"Sure! Come on everyone!" Kairi skipped along beside Sora, "Riku, you coming?"  
  
Riku looked around at everybody else who seemed eager to play with Sora's new puppy, "What the heck, might as well."  
  
Riku followed along as the rest of the islanders and visitors to Destiny Islands (except for Mickey, Donald, and Goofy who left on their Gummi ship as soon as Sora started singing) skipped along behind Sora and Kairi, singing the puppy song.   
  
"A puppy! A puppy! He's finally got a puppy!"  
  
Leon sighed from his corner in the tree house, "Good, now maybe he'll shut up about it."  
  
And they all lived happily ever after...except for those who didn't.  
  
***THE END***  
  
Final Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed my story. Please review and make me feel special. Thank you to all who have reviewed. My sister thinks I'm weird, but really, she can't say anything 'cause she had those dreams... Anyway, thank you and good-bye. 


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